Relinquished the cylinder only for them to spend it on a statue.
Abolished that Haj subsidy to save the State’s resources..
But hey, Amarnath and Kumbh need a military crew.
Teen Talaq got removed — that was good! But if
All they really only wanted was this thing
Called empowerment? There is also
A flag of rainbow hue. However,
We have got to play to the gallery,
The 2019 general elections are due.

Seems this Indian culture tells to spit red on a wall, urinate on a few.
But for us anti-nationals, Pakistan is running out of special visas to give.
They will have us believe nothing good ever happened in the decades prior,
Everything is brand new. And to prove that, go to Goswami and bellow
Over anyone having even the slightest differing view. Bash Nehru
And appropriate Singh, Bose, Patel, Ambedkar and Gandhi..
Hitler’s values they imbue. Corruption is, undoubtedly a huge sin.
Supporting the rape and murder accused is their saffron representative.

What is this Pradhan Sevak getting high on?! Nobody has got a clue.
“Sir, the farmers have March 10 threatening suicide, what ought we do?”
“Screw it, incredibly indebted industrialists we continue to woo and pursue.”
“Well, what are your thoughts on all these child abduction rumors brewing on
Whatsapp? It is becoming a massive issue.” “Reminds me of the kite while at
Sabarmati hosting Netanyahu, remember the way it flew?!” “Okay, so the
Reserve Bank is upset that their autonomy we actively subdue.” “Wait,
First let them explain why the ₹50 note was not in a darker shade
Of blue.” “Pchk. Finally boss, the millions who stood in queue
Want to know your Mann Ki Baat through an open press
Conference if the hundred or so who died in lieu of
Black money, is something that you rue.” “Now
Secretary, thought you knew my style. More
Scripted than Eminem in The Interview!”

But don’t take my words too seriously though, regard them
As untrue. Wouldn’t want them to come over and lynch you.

Diamond baron is missing, but 99.3 percent of demonetized denominations
Have got returned. “A sunburnt Pune is totally against our culture, let us
Blow shit up!”, says a saffron cunt. Rapists and murderers prowl our
Streets, on the hunt. But they very intelligently used that as a nice,
Convenient excuse to get Whatsapp to break their encryption is
What I learned. Lankesh, Dabholkar, Kalburgi — gunned down for
A publicity stunt. Cannot even blame those mercenaries, criminal life
Is perhaps the only way soul-feeding employment can be earned. Loud
News pundits churn out mundane propaganda and historical doubt as
Silent, non-violent protesters against that theater anthem projected
Next to an underwear ad bear the self-righteous ultranationalist’s brunt.
Couldn’t deliver a lot much on the development front, for which we yearned.
Went back to proclaiming that the dream for Ram Mandir is still extant,
It will soon be built someday on the mosque’s remnant?! From those
Who came before — they are not different. Congress plus cows,
Armed with an ideology more malignant. Fighting for a stringent
Lokpal Bill distant memories long forgotten, it is time to commission
Fighter jets and legendary statues with an extraordinary fund.
But hey man, just chill bro. Puff, puff and pass the blunt.

People getting butchered for mere suspicion of possessing beef,
Muslims being hacked to death and corpses burnt with the film
Going viral is beyond belief. Mortar shelling to answer Pakistan,
Used to masquerade that in Rajasthan, large crowds are openly
Celebrating a murderer with swords in hand! Istifa letter given
By the Reserve Bank’s, and taken from the Central Investigation
Bureau chief. With the blanket order of surveillance, my humble
Tea-seller is clearly exceeding his brief. And for the anthem of our
Land balancing popcorn we must stand. Of course, our President’s
Bodyguard cavalry can’t. Whatever, vote him in once more, they say.
Dude still has a lot left to achieve. Like what? Another demonetization, Causing widespread grief? Or a case against me like they did for Ramya
Just for saying what we all know — our lovely Chowkidaar is a thief.
Remember when he used the flag as his personal handkerchief?

On a spree when it comes to renaming a city, Vin Diesel clone says that Reminders of us being slaves, they want them to be erased. Translation? Aryan descendant race wants zero sign of any Islamic trace. Okay tell me,
Is it India, Hindustan or Sindhudesh? No ghar wapasi of either Modi, but
They did score a home run! Took us to fourth base. Timed to perfection
Are various Bollywood release dates. Godse is receiving praise. About
Two hundred ghastly rapes occur every six days. For some seaplane,
Crocodiles are getting displaced. No reservation to transgenders,
10% to poorer upper castes — this bloke never ceases to amaze.
All talk, and no substance. 56-inch packet of Caribbean Lay’s.
Pradhan Sevak cannot even spell the word ‘strength’, while
Reading off a page. What the hell is S.T.R.E.A.N.H?! Hm,
Is that Xi Jinping or Bruce Lee? Next thing you know..
He will be calling his ‘bhagwa’ as the color beige.
Rupees to a dollar is en route to Advani’s age.
Upon opening his mouth, Sakshi Maharaj
Has the wisdom of a sage. And as I speak this,
They are flying into a murderous fit of rage. “You.
Call the police, there is a fake encounter to be staged.”

Mann Ki Baat is nothing but a solipsistic monologue. He keeps on
Saying ‘Sabka Saath Sabka Vikas’, though when homosexuals were
Legalized by the courts? A single word Mr. Macho Man could not talk.
All anybody ever got to see was one meme-worthy balancing walk.
Out of polio vaccine stock, now these bumbaclots want to stalk.
IB, CBI and RAW are suddenly interested in all my hidden
Folders and internet logs. Authorized for decryption,
And interception. I know it is abnormally long but
Government, why do you want to see my cock?
Pornhub is blocked, Arnab is not. Questions on
Rafale deal, only evading the target lock. Damn,
Whoever even dares to dissent, they shall unleash
Their street dogs, those vigilante lynch mobs. Chai
Pe charcha, about a gaay pe morcha. This country’s
Justice system is just fantastic, eat beef and you will
Be a Human Torch. These bastards want to revitalize
Our shameful past, at a time when within the drains,
Mountains of plastic clogs. Promised to clean up the
Ganga, but an activist has expired on a hunger fast.
Zero investment in education, only branding, when
This society still considers it a matter of pride, to make
An eloping daughter breathe her last. And refuses to clean
Latrines or put an end to manual scavenging despite riding on
Metro and bullet trains, since that is apparently a job to be
Done not by machines, but someone of a lower caste.

The issues plaguing this country, you start listing it..
Out of ink would be the printer. Like when running 24x7
During winter in Bhatinda to an unused indoor cash dispenser
Is many an air-conditioner, then we ask why non-performing is the Moneylender. And get told to go paperless just to save some timber.
Someone send a message to the cabinet minister to come install a
Tyre crash barrier on a road turn and center divider. Instead of
Multiple vehicles tumbling down the hill like Jack and Jill,
The maximum would be a fender bender. But hey, if it
Is the god-forsaken media channels you tune into..

Veer Savarkar, behold the greatest ideological mentor.
Uma Bharti and Yogi Adityanath — it’s a match on Tinder!
Kiss in public, you become a blasphemous religious offender.
Come 2029, into geostationary orbit a statue of Vishnu will enter.
Didn’t they tell you how amazing it is to be a pakoda or paan vendor?
Grab this amazing window of opportunity, like a 16-year-old Tendulkar!

Learn to startup, India!

And all those who are now concerned and wonder, about the very
Fabric of a liberal, progressive, democratic and non-violent society
Being shredded and torn asunder, shall now hereby get labelled as
Some bloody #lovejihadi, #urbannaxal, #tukdetukdegangmember,
A seditionist who needs to surrender. Grabbing tribal forest lands for
Entrepreneurial plunder, instead of transgender rights is on the agenda. Supreme Leader only knows how to distract when he commits a blunder.
Ask anyone put under mass surveillance — gone is that 56-inch thunder.

A gunda monk is one of your rising stars..
Lokpal Bill? Please just shove it up your arse.
Death threats to Ravish and Kanhaiya Kumars.
Satya and Ahimsa to you has always been a farce.
Kissing gay couples need to be harshly stomped out,
Like the fag ends of Cuban cigars. Oh, did I tell you how
Our skyscraping statues are employing all the berozgaars?!
Whatsapp pe inki khabar phaili, kal milegi humko ek aur laash.
Never knew how a soulful anthem mixed with salted popcorn and
Condom ads could inflict deep psychological scars. Much like Islamic
Jihadis, these Hindu fanatics are a bunch of retards, infecting many like Genital warts. They attack Kashmiri people to win their minds and hearts. Politicizing the surgical strikes? It was always on the cards. Information on Demonetization and farmer suicides? Official data is sparse. Postgraduates Should now setup pakoda stalls — and sell vegetables pushing handcarts.
We try hard to understand the issue, but the audio signal of a dozen
Shouting news panelists is impossible to parse. If anyone wants
To ask a question, they will raise their volume before she or
He even starts. Our narcissistic leader refuses to attend a single
Press conference. In the background of his interviews, one can hear
The strings of violins and sitars. Accuses us of disrespecting the ‘flawless’ Military, but of course he should be left free to demolish the citizenry parts.
Brands sponsor as if he is not some Prime Minister, but one of those Formula 1 Race cars. And everywhere you go? Salaam thoko, Vande Mataram bolo.. lathi charge.
Simply for saying the archaic sedition law should be no more, they shall put You behind bars. Mere priya bhaiyon aur beheno? Swaagat hai aap sabka in This pavitra bhoomi of vikas, brought to you exclusively by the Chowkidars.

Mr. Goswami is the epitome of verbal diarrhea, you can hear the man from two stories atop when from the neighbor’s television screen he farts.

The demon, it has our cash, he eradicated our already pitiful financial liquidity. Made us stand in a queue in the name of the military. Politicized a surgical strike to get Yogi elected. Milked the memory of soldiers once Abhinandan ejected.

These wicked bigots are up to the same old tricks,
Washing Dalit feet after creating an uproar at Sabarimala,
And for Ayodhya gathering temple bricks. How come every time
You fall at your momma’s feet, some person is always there taking pics?
Got large pecs? Look at my onion dosa! Tenth of that. 5.6.
What has this world come to? They dangle carrots,
Beat us with sticks. Media spokespersons
Turning important news into a daily soap opera,
Just for kicks. Twisting headlines to gain clicks,
Constitutional amendments, introduced for electoral gimmicks.

Standing for the anthem right after an underwear ad, it is quite a funny thing.
Some weird form of Pavlovian and operant conditioning. Equating the flag
And music with a bodily action, some militaristic pride, and the illusion
Of voluntary choice. You better stand, and not try to do anything
Otherwise. Learn from these guys, how to brainwash little girls
And boys. For they are not citizens with human rights, just
Psychological toys, victims of various marketing ploys.
Hearing the tinkle of a bell, a dog starts salivating even if there is no meal. They wrap
Themselves in the tricolor, make you buy into their plentiful drivel and spiel. And hey,
Don’t you dare criticize, for they are hiding behind Ashoka’s emblem seal, behind those
Twenty-four spokes of the wheel. No upholder and carrier of law, just a deflector shield.

The prince among instruments of harassment and political repression.
The amount being spent on Ram, Shiva, Shivaji and Sardar — do the addition.
And us as a society has reached the next level of oppression, the ultimate edition. For tweeting the Prime Minister’s a thief, get booked for sedition.

All options are lost, so time to play the trump card.
Peeping through your Microsoft Windows is the nation’s security guard.

Come on, let us make this about Allah and Ram Lalla.
But frothing and stinking is every river, your Ganga is a gutter ka nullah.

“They can keep their Ali, we have got Bajrang Bali!”
God, I wish for a time when statues were no bigger than the Great Khali!

We love our part of Kashmir.
Kashmiris are our citizens too.

We call them terrorists, and arrest citing sedition for peaceful dissent.
“Saale jihadi ke bacche tu dekh ab main teri kaisi gaand maarta hoon.”

You have caused enough damage, we shall not
Allow our psyches to be victims of a vicious hijack..
Puppet news anchors, they pose with such a stern face..
But fail to hide that all they know is how to lick a ballsack.

The prime minister just mocked people with dyslexia..
Got the whole nation all riled up in mass war hysteria..
Making you forget Kashmir’s treated like Chechnya..
We need to be clear, let’s see you all speak out..
If this continues, no one really knows what..
Will happen to our Constitution next year.

Jack of all trades, master of some.